I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
