Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
