I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize