I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
