So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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