bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
