Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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