Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
