Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
