I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
