I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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