Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
