Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
