like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
