I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
