Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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