I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
