Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
