If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize