He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
