sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
