im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
