Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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