So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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