You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
