it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
