I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
