ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
