I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
