i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
