I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
