never play flip cup with pint glasses
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
