Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
