I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
