Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
