you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
