The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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