I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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