Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
