i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
