I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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