Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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