What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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