he thought i was a dude.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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