bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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