genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
