absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
