I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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