she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
