saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
