i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
