i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
