Nicole vs. Life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
