Betty ford says i'm here all night
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Randomize
