I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
