my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
