he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
