The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
