There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
