What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
