don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
