the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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