If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
