I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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