My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
