6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
