i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
