Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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