im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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