if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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