How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
