i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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