After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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