i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You were trust falling into bushes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize