Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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