I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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