i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
