I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
