I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
