I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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