I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize