I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
