He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
