I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
