He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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