I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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