It's Friday. Sex?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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