Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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