Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
