my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
