My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize