I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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