All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
