remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
