so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
