party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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