So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
