Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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