And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
