covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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