I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
