Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize