ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
