I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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