Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
