In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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