I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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