you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
