someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
