May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
pray to the hookup gods
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
